is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
