Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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