Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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