I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
