found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
