I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
