i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
