Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
