Fine. I'll sleep in my office
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
