FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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