so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
