I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Small penises have feelings too.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
