i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
