video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
