I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
