I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
