it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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