you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
