dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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