Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
