He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I currently don't understand fingers.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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