I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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