He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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