We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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