you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I came so hard my ears popped.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
