i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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