best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
