Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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