did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
