is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
