apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
