i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
