I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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