i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have fence marks all over my body
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
