you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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