Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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