Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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