Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
