At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
