you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
