Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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