Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
