im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
