While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
