I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
