Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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