Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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