I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
