Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
