Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
