PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
