it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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